As far as I can see, no one has discussed the indirect physical effects of abuse. The mind body interaction fascinates me and I'd be really interesested in hearing from any of you on it.
My experience has been the following:
Sight. I grew up seeing only in 2 dimensions - as if the world around me was a painting. I could assess how far away things were by using perspective. I didn't realise this until one day, well into my therapy but before I started remembering, when I suddenly saw the spacial distance between objects. It was amazing and it is still something I marvel at.
Illness. I used to suffer from bronchitis many times a year, but in the spring the cough that followed would last for months. Being ill was the only way I could get my Mum to look after me, but I think the chest infection reflected my feelings of suffocation.
Frequent throat infections I believe were linked to my inability to scream or cry. The tensions in my throat to stop the sounds coming out must have been huge.
Digestion. All my life I have had constipation (sorry to get so specific, but I think this one is particularly relevant) which I just accepted as 'normal' for me. Just a few years ago I accepted it was linked to stress after reading some articles and realising that my very healthy diet made no difference to it at all. I now use it as a barometer for the stress I do not want to acknowledge. Three weeks without going to the bathroom and I know there's something bothering me!
Gas. Burps! This only started a few months ago. Everytime after I get a memory or flash of emotion I burp and burp, sometimes from my throat, sometimes deep belly burps. It is as if these emotions have been stored inside me like the gas in a bottle of soda - when the bottle is shaken some of that gas gets released. The burps are different from the retching I feel the urge to do with some memories. They are also not related to what I eat (which is what I first suspected).
Size. The last one is the one I find hardest to explain. Without losing any weight, at one point after doing some body energy work with a kinesiologist, I went down a full dress size and had to have my clothes taken in. It was as if my desire to be big and tough and invulnerable in order to protect myself from any more harm, had actually made me physically bigger.
I think that's all so far. Can anyone comment or add to the list?
