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cmalina
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Posted: Wed Oct 10th, 2007 11:07 pm |
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hi, I'm caiti i'm 19 and was sexually abused by my brother who is 3 years older than me. i don't remember exactly how old i was when things first happened between us, i think i was around 8 or 9, and i don't remember precisely when it ended either. i've expereinced chronic depression since i was 12 and continue to deal with it. my family knows about what happened between my brother and i. although i've never talked to anyone about the details of the abuse, but it was revealed to my family when i was 13 during my month long stay at a psychiatric hospital after trying to kill myself. I guess i have come to realize that what happened betweeen my brotehr and I is the cause of my depression, although it's taken me till now to realize it. While in the psychiatric hospital my psychiatrist contacted the police and social services about what happened between my brother and i and my parents were informed as well. without being warned i was forced to talk to the police and a social service worked about what happened. my brother was then charged with i think twelve counts of felony sexual assault. my family is still together, but the legal battle that evolved after the revelaing of me and my brother's past has been ragining since the day i first talked to the police. My parents hired a great lawyer for my brother and he was only charged with misdomneor sexual assault, and his probation for it ends this december. through most of high school i was basically made to tell that i should't talk to anyone about what happened, and was always encouraged to do anything i could to help keep my brother our of prison because he didn't deserve it. i never have wanted to see my brother in jail, but because of how things played out i have never really been able to get away from my brother. i currently am in college, and my brother also attends the same school. we have many mutual friends. sorry, i kind of feel like i'm babling on but i've been really depressed lately and don't know what to do really anymore.
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Letty
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Posted: Sat Oct 13th, 2007 12:56 pm |
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Hi Caiti-
Welcome! I am sorry for your pain and depression. I too often feel like I don't know what to do anymore. It must be really hard to have your family "all together" after what happened to you. I hope you find support and validation here. All of us share a common thread and can often understand what is written 'between the lines' because of our shared experiences. I find this very supportive. Keep coming back! Much Love-Andrea
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Annie
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Posted: Sat Oct 13th, 2007 04:27 pm |
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| I am going to be 45 years old and I still don't know what to do and just when I think it is all behind me it hits me again like a ton of bricks. My brother who abused me and my uncle who abused him where never charged. My uncle was killed by teenage drunk drivers outside of a bar after he tried to hit on them we think. My brother had mental problems for a fall of the roof too so we were always told to keep things secret or he would be taken away and we would ruin the family. Later, my father was charged with trying to abuse his grand kids after my Mom died. He had to spend time in prison before his death. My brother continues to manipulate and probably molest people and even told me a few weeks ago "don't ever think you can get back at or hurt your abuser." SO, because of that and other fights he started I confronted him about all abuse and manipulation he has been doing. Ironically the whole family except my sister has stood behind him because they were all abused too and don't want it out. It also involves sex, drugs,money and power. I feel like my whole life has been a lie and a joke. All I can tell you is I went on in my life and did good things even if I am disabled now. I raised pretty much on my own 4 kids and got a 2 year business degree and worked on being an RN after that. I became an LPN instead to raise my kids. I was good at that and because of all my empathy from my own past I was very dedicated. For the first time in my life I knew I fit in and was loved by my elderly patients. So,find your nitch and excel. By helping others you can help yourself. You may never get resolution or love from your family. It's hard,it's cold and it probably is the truth. I have to accept that too. God Bless you, Anne
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Mending Soul
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Posted: Sun Oct 21st, 2007 05:23 am |
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Caiti,
I feel your pain...of your complete abandonment and rejection and discounting by your family...of course you are depressed...you were the only one with a heart filled with truth...your family did everything to keep the secrets (and sickness) in...very much like my family...and the family I married into the first time...secrets keep us sick...find someone to share the secrets with...whether it's here or with a therapist...or a minister or a friend whom you trust and who understands incest, abuse and Post traumatic syndrome...which is what causes my severe depression..
My first husband was extremely violent and sexually abusive...raping me...trying to kill me...etc...and this was after surviving childhood incest from an uncle and my father...which didn't come to my memory until after my divorce from my first husband when his father sexually abused my son...his father was never charged...but child protection kept them away from my kids for awhile...this damaged my oldest daughter terribly...and set her up for later abuse and manipulation to the extent that she sees me as the 'enemy' and I haven't seen her or her husband or 2 children for 4 years now...my 1st husband was so rich...and his mother always bailed him out of all the trouble he caused all his life...which included dealing drugs to children, drunk driving, damage to others property, attempted rape with a knife, rape, kidnapping, severe child abuse causing one son to lose his hearing, 4 marriages all of which included severe domestic violence and child abuse, illegally obtaining custody of my children from me when I was ill and 6 years of sexual abuse of my youngest daughter and I think my oldest one too...and he has never had to go to prison...he's gotten off every time and it's destroyed my children...his other children from his other marriages...and me...and he goes on living his life using and abusing others...and finding more victims....
But through the Grace of my Higher Power who I call God...I've been given help and love from others...but I had to reach out first....and that's what you are doing by writing here...don't stop asking for help...that's where you will find your answers...and your hope...and maybe even safe people to love...who will truely love and honor you...don't give up...our hearts are with you in your pain...
So I truely understand you're aloneness...you are not alone...we are here...
Last edited on Sun Oct 21st, 2007 05:25 am by Mending Soul
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oceanbreeze
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Posted: Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 08:04 am |
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Hi Caiti.
I've had similar experiences as well. I was abused by my father and grandfather. At 13 I tried to commit suicide in order to tell someone what was going on. It really didn't do anything. Back then in 1981, it was taboo to talk about stuff like this. Nothing happend to my father or grandfather. By the time I told anyone about my grandfather, he was already dead. I've struggled with depression my whole life. There are good days and there are bad. But mostly good now. My problem now is trying to get over my mom not believing me and feeling rejected.
I don't know if you believe in God Caiti, but if you do, you need to pray. Pray that God will give you the strength to get through the bad days. Read inspirational books. There is one by Joyce Meyers about depression that helped me overcome a deep depression.
I am here for you. And I care about you. I understand.
Laurie
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scw4survivors
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Posted: Mon Oct 22nd, 2007 12:59 pm |
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Caiti,
I don't know specifically about your school, but a lot of schools have counseling services available for little or no charge for currently enrolled students. As a faculty member myself, I know there are faculty who care about our students and there are compassionate staff, too. The counseling services are offered in a way to protect your privacy, too.
Please keep reaching out ...
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cmalina
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Posted: Thu Oct 25th, 2007 05:31 am |
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there are counseling services at my school, i've tired seeing each of the different theraspists at them but i wasn't comfortable with any of them, it was making things worse and they kept trying to convince me to go on drugs again when it's something that i'm not comfortable with at all.
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scw4survivors
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Posted: Thu Oct 25th, 2007 01:04 pm |
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I am sorry to hear that you couldn't find help there. Please keep reaching out.
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Lorus
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Posted: Thu Oct 25th, 2007 02:40 pm |
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Yes, keep searching for that right person who could help. You'll eventually find the one who will listen with open ears, see you with open eyes, and comfort you with an open heart. The one who will ask you your opinion, and suggest, not tell you. The one who will teach you to calm yourself, and guide you over troubled waters. The one who will make you see, all the helpful things you do, you're doing yourself. Medication, therapists, and support groups are all tools to help us heal and grow. Use what you need and never be ashamed; that shame is reserved for those who caused the abuse, and those who continue to abuse.
Lorus
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Mending Soul
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Posted: Thu Nov 15th, 2007 03:37 pm |
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Caiti,
One of the best places I've been for therapy was through the 'sexual violence center' here in MN...it's free if you are poor...all the therapists there work exclusively with sexual violence victims...and if you are not comfortable with one therapist, you can see another...
Maybe your city has a center like that...they respect your privacy...and don't 'force' you to do anything...
I know that without them...I couldn't have coped with some of the issues I've had...
Keep looking...you'll find someone to talk to if you keep looking.
Cathie
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Makwa
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Posted: Fri Nov 16th, 2007 10:37 pm |
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| Caiti...hang in there, young, strong woman. It is not an easy life. What i've learned, what i wish i could do over again -yet wonder even now if i would have the guts, is that it is hurtful to our being to cover things up. I am having a whole world of pain right now because of the years of secrets...the posture of secrecy that is now crippling me. DO NOT LET THEM SILENCE YOU. You have the right to a beautiful, happy, successful life. Grab it. Therapy is a good tool. And it feels awful. Trust your instincts about working with someone that is right for you. Cathie is right. THere are other resources. You could even ask your school to refer you to something off campus. Also, there are different types of therapies. What works for one, will be wrong for another. I understand you're depressed. It's coming up on December and that is a big month. Stuff will be stirred up. And your family, like so many, have sacrificed you for your brother. But you don't have to let that stop you. You can be free. In many ways I am thinking of you because it's not too late for you. Step out from the shadows. You have survived a lot and that makes you one amazing, strong woman. Liv
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