| Author | Post |
|---|
sparrow
Member
| Joined: | Thu Aug 16th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 6 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |    |
|
Posted: Thu Aug 16th, 2007 03:46 pm |
|
My brother and sister and I all grew up in a nightmare. My little brother committed suicide day before yesterday after a lifetime of struggle to come to terms with the sexual abuse of his mother. This woman was a monster. She tortured my sister and I sexually and beat us continually. We lived in terror and fear every day of our childhood lives. All three of us have paid for the abuse with long years of anxiety attacks, night terrors, panic episodes, and an inability to trust. Three years ago we all went to the Bishop of this woman's church in an attempt to get her to acknowledge her actions to help heal our brother and for her to pay for his therapeutic needs. The Bishop, while believing our story, refused to act -- and the woman refused to do anything to help her victim son. She is a high society lady here and has a great deal of money. Our brother died without care or help as a result.
The worst burden here to bear is that this woman sits as Matriarch of her Church and as a highly respected member of society while her victim son lies dead and her other children still suffer from the pain that she inflicted upon them. There seems to be NO justice. I listen to people spouting on about protecting children -- but where is the protection when such injustice is allowed to continue. The statute of limitations in the state where I live made it impossible for us to take any legal action -- and all I can do is write letters once again to the church people involved to try to continually shed light on the truth of this matter.
I am sickened by this and not really sure I will every recover now.
Thanks for listening
|
adrienne
Member
| Joined: | Mon Jun 4th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 39 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Fri Aug 17th, 2007 03:45 pm |
|
Hi Sparrow, and welcome. I've been sitting here trying to come up with some words of comfort, and I keep getting stuck. Everything seems so trite and standard today on this computer screen. I just wanted to let you know that we are all here to help and comfort you in whatever way we can. I am so very sorry that you lost your brother.
I think you are absolutely correct that childhood abuse is tragic. It is horrible enough while it is going on, but then the devastating effects persist for so long, and it is sometimes too much to bear.
There is nothing I can do or say to help ease your pain and grief, but I do understand. Any time you need to vent or question or just need to know that you are not alone, we're here.
adrienne
|
sparrow
Member
| Joined: | Thu Aug 16th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 6 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Fri Aug 17th, 2007 06:35 pm |
|
Thank you for your words of comfort -- they mean a great deal -- there were four victims of the horrific abuse of our childhood -- now there are three -- and the three left standing are determined not to allow this abuser to create any more train wrecks.
Sometimes a person wonders why is it that such a monster gets to live such a life of comfort and is still living it at age 85.
However I know in my heart that there is a part of us that is never corrupted by the pain and horror if we do not allow it to be -- and that in the end her monstrousity will be her own hell - and we who have worked all our lives to follow the light and be good people will triumph. Evil never in the end wins and the good will triumph. Victims we may have been -- survivors we are.
I know my brother has reached resolution and has found at last peace -- a peace that was denied him all of his life. The fact is this monster hated us -- and her hatred was horrible and insidious -- but it was not even close to what her poisoned love did to our poor brother -- her only real son. Incest - poisoned sexual obcession by a mother to her son is the hardest of all crosses to bear --
I am praying that his death will bring all of us victim children closer to healing and that we will in the end find a way to confront her in as public a manner as possible - she is a criminal of the worst sort and should have to face her crimes before she leaves this planet -- the only hope for her is to do so -- and the last aid in healing needed for her victims is to know that there is some justice for the children -- for if there is no justice and such as her can pull the wool over the eyes of all decent people -- there there will never be any protection in this world for the innocent children who live their lives imprisoned by such terror.
with love and prayers for the healing of all
Darlene
|
scw4survivors
Administrator
| Joined: | Wed May 30th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 115 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Aug 21st, 2007 12:57 am |
|
Sparrow,
I've been out of town and am just now seeing this. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
SCW
|
sparrow
Member
| Joined: | Thu Aug 16th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 6 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Aug 21st, 2007 01:10 am |
|
-Thank you it seems there is no resolution ever -- and today I read on another thread that my last hour was wasted because no one cares --
The basic end result of my brothers life was exactly that -- and I am finding trouble finding a reason to breath -- and I am the one my sister relies on to keep her alive.
It is very scary -- our abuser has turned her victims death into another opportunity to do a fund raiser for the building fund of the church that continues to shelter her and refused to help him get the therapy he needed --- she keeps on abusing -- they keep on taking her money and shielding her -- is there anything I can do ??
and thank you again I am seriously lost after years of trying to find my way here --
|
TeresaJones
Member
|
Posted: Sat Aug 25th, 2007 08:23 pm |
|
what about the newspaper or tv stations or a protest in front of the church. Don't give up you have friends we are all here to help one another stand for whats right and for our right to live.
Teresa
|
koobster
Member
| Joined: | Mon Sep 17th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Sep 18th, 2007 05:07 am |
|
I had a lifetime of shutting my mouth. I live with nightmares up and down, in my life more downs than anything. My mother was a monster also the beatings that she inflicted on me, the yelling the cussing the put downs I can still recall the put downs from the age of 5 years old the blame game. She blamed me for everything that happened to her, the bad things. The deaths of my brother and sister. Told me she wished I died instead of them. The heart problems I had growning up I was blamed for. Boy the stories I could tell you in the hospital, I had seen it all. Then when I was 12 the man down the street father anal raped me the horror had sunk in the fear stunk in I could tell know one. 12 was the age he came to her, a trusting man with a brigt shinning star on his chest, and a car that held red and blue lights. He bought her candy and other stuff, then one night he betrayed her in a moment her world was shattered for she could tell no one. For I could tell no one my mom hated me , everyone knew it. They told me a few years ago that they thought my mom would kill me. So the truth came out. I lived in a hell of my own, with the drugs as my friends and the tears of my life I wanted to open it all. But, couldnt my mom will kill me if I told.
|
TeresaJones
Member
|
Posted: Tue Sep 18th, 2007 02:14 pm |
|
Wow. Talk about a harsh life growing up.
Teresa
|
Annie
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 10th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 9 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Wed Oct 10th, 2007 02:52 pm |
|
| I know just how you feel. My sibblings and I were all abused by an uncle, a brother and my own father abused many other people not related. MY mother new this and even helped in so many ways. Over the years we have had many suicides and suspicious deaths including my brother 2 years ago. The last death on September 23rd is still being investigated. I have came out and exploded over this death and about all the sexual abuse,drug abuse and abuse of power and money in the family. It all seams to go together like you said and these abusers too are well respected white collar high up in the church people. It feels hopeless in this lifetime but we do know when they face our maker they will be judged. I am so glad for you that you have the support of at least your 3 remaining sibblings. My sibblings that are left have all drifted to the evil power and money side and engage in what I feel is still sexual abuse,drugs,etc. I confronted them all and now feel so alone. I am glad there are people just like you and me who know the truth and will support us. Love,Anne
|
Mending Soul
Member
| Joined: | Sun Oct 14th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 59 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Oct 23rd, 2007 08:36 am |
|
To all of you,
My heart breaks...and weeps for your loss and pain...my soul grieves for those who have lost their lives in suffering...If my heart could shed tears...they would be bloody...
I know the complete and utter desolation of hopelessness...I was so overwhelmed by the grief and agony of my first memories...by my powerlessness to stop my abusers from hurting my own children...by the sick legal systems refusal to help us...by the power and money and evil of others...by my inability to see any light...by my own poverty and sickness and desperation...by my own darkness...that I attempted to take my own life...16 years ago...I shot myself...and missed my heart by 1/4 inch and ruptured both lungs...I so wanted to go home...but my God knew it wasn't my time yet...all the sick people in my life were told I wouldn't live...but my God was the one who decided...and in my coma...His voice told me to breathe as if my lungs were Eagles Wings...so I took my first breath with the ventilator...and He healed me...
The abuse didn't stop...not then...the agony still visits me daily...but there is a reason He saved my life...and there is a reason sometimes that He doesn't...only He knows...
In spite of my life of continued suffering and 'failure' in the eyes of the world...I know in my heart the the Love my God placed in my heart...and continues to place in my heart is my hope. In all the history of mankind...the pleasures of the world and the corruption of the world and the evil and vileness in the world...was never the intention of my God...I have to believe that there is an eternity...and that there will be a place where those who mourn will be comforted...and those who have their reward here...will not have a reward there...each of us searches for some meaning in our lives...each of us searches for a reason...never stop searching...and never stop loving...let your love dictate your life...in spite of the pain...the love you offered to loved ones is the only thing that matters...and the love you give to yourself...the kindness and gentleness you offer to that suffering child inside...it's that love and kindness and gentleness and care that will heal us...it's that love that is our hope.
I only wish I could hold each of you who hurts and kiss your wounds and dry your tears...my soul weeps with yours...
Cathie
Last edited on Tue Oct 23rd, 2007 06:33 pm by Mending Soul
|
Kate
Member
| Joined: | Wed Jun 4th, 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 13 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Fri Jun 27th, 2008 11:31 pm |
|
Hello Sparrow
I am responding to your wanting your mother to pay "before she leaves this planet".
May I tell you of a dream I had of my abuser father? It came some time after he died (without any atonement whatsoever in his life here).
My dream started with me running for my very life away from him. I was utterly desperate to escape from him. I was running through people's back yards and under their washing flapping on clothes lines. I was running blindly and in utter terror for my life.
Then there was a man standing there. He looked to be in his 50's, with a circle of white hair below his baldness - like a monk's haircut. I could only see him from the back, because I had hid behind him. He looked nothing like my father, who had lots of curly dark hair.
This man was dressed in ordinary trousers and shirt. He was holding a clip board and was looking at my father.
I ran behind this man to hide and I was trying to say something to him about my father, but I was so terrified the words wouldn't come out and all I could do was point at dad and stutter with fear.
I knew that on that clip board were pages and pages of my father's sins. Some I knew about but most, I didn't. I also knew that the man holding the clip board knew exactly what was listed there.
This man had an absolute authority about him. Absolute, total and final.
My father had a sort of smirk and seemed to be saying, "What are you talking about?"
But for the first time since I had known him, I knew my father had met his match.
When I awoke, I thought about this dream and realised some things.
One was that I was terrified of my father, and I had no idea that I had been.
Second was that the man with the clip board was Death personified.
Third was that I realised my father now had to account for himself. Totally. And at that stage, I didn't know what for.
This was in 1985, a few months after my father's death. I was 34. I am now 56.
Shortly after that, I began to get strange flashes of dad raping me, and I became agorophobic and isolated. I started to drink. Eventually, I left the city I had lived in for 15 years, and returned to where I had grown up, probably to find some answers.
The memories started to come thick and fast and I went into therapy in 1994, and after a few false starts, found the therapist I am with still. I have been with her since 1998.
It's been a long and debilitating journey because, as my therapist explained, the younger the abuse starts, the longer it takes to resolve it.
I'm still journeying, but at least I know that my father had to account to someone, somewhere, some way. I hope he still is accounting, because I'm not out of my fear yet.
I don't know if this is any help, but I hope so.
Kate.
|
Current time is 10:55 pm | |
|