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trudy
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Posted: Fri Jul 6th, 2007 07:10 pm |
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adrienne yes that is exactly the the way iam icant beleive it . this must be a pattern for some of us.i jump and scream somtimes when somone trys to touch me also. my mom is the sameway. so is my daughters. that is so weird. well im tring to figure out if my mother inlaw can make me feel better by being mothering to me but i just dont know if that will do it or not she is tring but shes not a really affectionate person either. but we ll see.well i got to go for now trudy
Last edited on Fri Jul 6th, 2007 07:11 pm by trudy
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adrienne
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Posted: Sat Jul 7th, 2007 04:40 am |
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| yeah, in addition to being physically and sexually abusive, my dad was very volatile and unpredictable. we never knew what might set him off. he also thought it was funny to scare my siblings and me. and i was in an abusive relationship with a jerk who got a kick out of sneaking up on me and attacking me. i am also legally blind in both eyes. i do okay with a very strong contacts prescription (my eyes are healthy, i am just extremely near-sighted), but my peripheral vision is almost non-existent. all those things combined have caused me to be really jumpy. i hate it.
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trudy
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Posted: Sat Jul 7th, 2007 05:14 am |
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wow that is terrible . i thought that you were jumpy cuz of the abuse only . that is awful to have someone scaring you all the time and being blind on top of everything else .im so sorry for what you went through my heart is hurting for you these stories make me want to mother each and everyone of you if i couldjust think of me giving you the biggest hug you can imagine ok .god bless you trudy.
Last edited on Sat Jul 7th, 2007 05:16 am by trudy
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trudy
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Posted: Sat Jul 7th, 2007 05:40 am |
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cathy i know exactly what you are talking about im dealing with the same things with my mom i dont know myself what the answer is to that question cuz i need it answered for me to. im in a mind war with myself on what to say to her and how to get her to see things in my eyes and comfort me . but i dont know if she ever will and how im going to get myself threw it every days a battle to get threw for me rite now but each day i do it with strenght from god and my husband and children so keep your chin up we will get threw this god will see to it .believe me he"ll carry us if he has too.have you ever read foot prints in the sand its from the bible.if not you should read it its wonderful and so true.he has carried me along ways so far.
Last edited on Sat Jul 7th, 2007 05:43 am by trudy
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Lorus
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Posted: Sat Jul 7th, 2007 11:21 am |
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| Adrienne, that's horrible having to deal with the abuse and have your eyesight in a condition that makes it harder. I know I want to see things coming, I want to have consistency in everything I do so I know when to expect things. I only want to change when I'm ready. and even when Im ready, I go through with it but still feel something. I'm learning to take one thing at a time and telling myself it's okay to change if I want to. I'm also learning that I don't have to be afraid because the abuse won't happen again. It's hard, it's been the same way for so long.
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Mending Soul
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Posted: Mon Oct 15th, 2007 01:21 am |
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Adrianne,
What the constant jumpiness...getting upset when someone wants to touch or hug you...feeling anxious...always looking over your shoulder is a behavior victims' develop called 'hypervigilance'...what it means is we are 'hyper' 'overly' aware of our surroundings and of others actions...we are 'vigilant'...'on task'...because we HAD to be to survive...in order to LIVE through any sort of abuse, we develop coping mechanisms...one of them is 'hypervigilance'...it is also a symtom of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which most victims develop due to having to live through one or more traumatic events and in order to live through them, we had to suppress our natural feelings and reactions...which later emerge when we are ready to deal with them...in the interim, we develop nightmares, addictions, re-petatively abusive relationships, eating disorders, medical issues, female issues, panic, depression, suicidal thoughts and actions, acting out rageful behaviors, internalizing sefl-abusive behaviors, and things like hypervigilance...which are all symtoms of Post (After) Traumatic (Terrible-traumatizing) Stress (overabundance of feelings, thoughts, emotions, physical sensations...too many) Disorder (which has disrupted our lives)...But we can heal if we reach out...through books...groups...on-line discussions...writing...therapy...etc...So Keep on reaching out.
You are OK....and your responses are OK...and as you learn more about who you are and how your experiences have affected you...you can decide...or not decide to change in you what you want or don't want to change...
My heart goes out to all of you...I am with you...as an Incest survivor, a witness to murder survivor, a domestic abuse survivor, a divorce survivor, a rape survivor, a cancer survivor and a multitude of other issues survivor...We LIVED through our abuse...we survived...that was the biggest thing...even though memories and behaviors seem bigger...they are not...we just need time and help to heal...
I wish you all the best and will pray for you all. Never stop reaching out...breaking the silence is our healer...
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