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stephanie
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Posted: Tue Aug 28th, 2007 04:55 pm |
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I just found out that the college, where my dad taught English, offers a scholarship in"loving memory" of him. ( He died 4 years ago.) It just makes me kinda mad that he gets this honor. I want to write a letter the college and tell them about their great professor and tell them the "scholarship" he left me with! Logically, I know they don't know anything about his abuse because I didn't come out about it until 6 months before he died and he was retired by then. But, still...
Does it really matter, does anyone even care who their scholarship is in the name of?
I've been thinking about this, and just realized that the anniversary of his death was just a few days ago.
Thanks for listening,
Stephanie
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scw4survivors
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Posted: Tue Aug 28th, 2007 08:29 pm |
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Stephanie ...
I am sorry you're having to deal with this ... especially near the anniversary of his death. I would urge you to write the letter and say what you need to say and then not mail it for at least a couple of days to give yourself some time to think. Then you need to decide what is most important to take care of you.
As a university faculty member myself, I know that good can come from scholarships ...
Susan
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Letty
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Posted: Mon Sep 3rd, 2007 01:26 am |
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Stephanie-
I CARE! I would rather die in debt than take a scholarship in the name of a man who did to you what glenn did to me! I think a letter is absolutely essential! Whether you send it or not is not the point, getting your feeling out IS.
Often when I have extreme emotion over something I write an "appropriate" letter and then I right a very, very, very "inappropriate" letter. Sometimes I send the appropriate letter, but ALWAYS, I feel better and even end up lauging out loud at my "inappropriate" letter. The truth, always sets us free.
Lots of love!
Letty
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stephanie
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Posted: Mon Sep 3rd, 2007 09:14 pm |
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Thank you, Letty,
My therapist said the same about writing the letter (even two different ones), then later decide whether or not to mail it. I did start to write the letter but, I got stuck, triggered too bad just trying to write certain words. After all this time my thoughts, feelings, everything ( except a pounding heart) freezes up.
Susan,
You wrote "As a university faculty member myself, I know that good can come from scholarships ..." and that's where I feel guilty if I were to send a letter because I know how important the money can be. But couldn't they put the scholarship under a different name? I just don't want him honored with it.
Soon I will try again to write some sort of letter. I don't know if I have the guts to mail it... we'll see.
Stephanie
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scw4survivors
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Posted: Mon Sep 3rd, 2007 10:01 pm |
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Stephanie,
I certainly didn't mean to make you feel guilty about your anger; I believe your anger is justified ... and I understand exactly where it is coming from. I was trying to point out that it is possible that some good might come out the scholarship ... that does not excuse, forgive, or even mitigate slightly the horrific things he did.
As to whether the scholarship could be renamed, I have no idea. I am sure that depends on how the donations were solicited.
Hang in there ...
Susan
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stephanie
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Posted: Tue Sep 4th, 2007 12:59 am |
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thanks, Susan
I don't know where the funds for the scholarship come from. I don't want a student to lose this money (I think it is $150), I just don't want to see his name on it.
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TeresaJones
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Posted: Sun Sep 9th, 2007 07:14 pm |
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Stephanie
I think you should let them know. Even if that don't do anything about it they will still know what a dirtbag he was. Who knows maybe they will decide not to have his name on the scholarship.
Teresa
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TeresaJones
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Posted: Sun Sep 9th, 2007 07:20 pm |
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why don't you have your therapist help you with your letter maybe writing it wth someone you feel safe with will give you the courage to write it. I know I wouldn't want a scholarship from someone like that. like Letty said I would rather be in debt then have that scholarship. There has to be another professor that deserves to have that scholarship named after them.
Stay strong. Don't give up.
Teresa
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stephanie
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Posted: Mon Sep 10th, 2007 01:39 am |
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thank you for your opinions. It makes me feel better that you feel the same as I do. I had to put that aside for a bit, but I hope to soon be able to finish the letter I started. And, yes, my therapist has already said she could help me.
I thank God I found her. She has been wonderful during my recovery - even reminding me, over and over, that this is not the fast process I wish it was.
Stephanie
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TeresaJones
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Posted: Mon Sep 10th, 2007 04:33 am |
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I'm glad that you found a therapist that you like and that is helping you.
Teresa
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Jenni Lynn
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Posted: Fri Sep 28th, 2007 04:38 am |
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Stephainie:
I would not just write the letter I would mail it.
I kept silent for too long myself and never told anyone I wish I had.
You will feel better for having written the letter and let the truth be known.
Hugs to you,
Jenni
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Makwa
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Posted: Fri Oct 26th, 2007 02:38 am |
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| maybe you could recommend that the "scholarship" money could be used to help women who are raped while at college and still trying to finish. there are little to no services for them (i worked in the university setting for a few years myself). I remember one really potent poster that was hung around campus said "getting her drunk is not the same as getting her permission." Just a thought. Maybe you could have influence on who the money goes to BECAUSE of the violence he perpetrated against you.
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stephanie
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Posted: Fri Oct 26th, 2007 02:44 pm |
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I like this idea, thanks.
Stephanie
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TeresaJones
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Posted: Fri Oct 26th, 2007 05:09 pm |
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| That's a good idea, and its the truth there is little to no help for girls on campus.
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Makwa
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Posted: Fri Oct 26th, 2007 08:48 pm |
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| and here's another thought...if you were to disclose, who knows? maybe there are students there that he "took advantage of" that would come forward once you outed him.
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