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littlesurvivor
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Posted: Thu Oct 25th, 2007 08:20 am |
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tonight my mom asked me some questions about my abuse. mostly who abused me, and how..and then she asked who was worst..and i was tired of talking it was dark andthe light were out and i was crying so i decided to roll over and play dead..or pretend to be asleep..but before i did that she asked me who was the worst..out of my abusers..meaning my dad, my brother, or my uncle. i didn't answer..and then about 10 minutes later..i rolled over and i said my uncle. and she asked why...and i don't know why but some part of me just said it...because he didn't like girls, so he hurt me like i was a boy....im trying to digest this because it didn't feel like i said it..it felt like someone else inside of me said it.  he hurt me like a boy, my uncle was a homosexual, he molested my brother, the same brother who in turn molested me. the same uncle molested me, i guess because he didn't get in trounble for hurting my brother. my uncle raped me anally when i was little...i think this is the worst thing in the world. my brother also used to sodomize me with things..almost like he was reinacting his abuse...he would use things around teh house..candles and flash lights, batteries, whatever...i have to stop here now... i feel like i want to vomit...
why did my mom need to know this? it just hurts.
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scw4survivors
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Posted: Thu Oct 25th, 2007 01:12 pm |
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I am sorry your mom asked such hard questions. Maybe she's trying the best she can to "help" ... and she's failing miserably.
Remember that you get to be in charge of you ... if you don't want to answer questions like that, you don't have to.
I am sorry.
Hang in there.
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Lorus
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Posted: Thu Oct 25th, 2007 03:15 pm |
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| What Susan says is true Littlesurvivor. you are in control. Those who don't understand or have never expierienced abuse like this don't know what to ask. My expierience is having a mother who swept everything under the rug and asked no questions, who acts as if nothing happened. I would welcome one question. This would tell me that the abuse is being acknowledged in some small way. I would also use it as a new starting point to tell my story and use my voice. But I would do this in my own way, in my own time, and keeping it under my control. Always remembering it was not my fault.
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littlesurvivor
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Posted: Thu Oct 25th, 2007 04:08 pm |
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| well thats the problem, my mom is my adoptive mother so she has no idea what my childhood was like or its severity. for the past 3 years i've kept most of my depression and anxiety and things like to a minimum so that she doesn't have to deal with it because i know many people can't handle it or don't know how to. Last night i only shared with her because she said she felt like i excluded her from my treatment. i didn't expect her to ask such tough questions, questions that my therapist doesn't or hasn't asked out right yet. it just scared me..i know i am in control of my own story, but right now i just don't feel that strong...
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scw4survivors
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Posted: Thu Oct 25th, 2007 05:08 pm |
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It is okay to set boundaries and tell her what you are and are not ready to talk about. Just because she asks questions does not mean you have to answer the questions she asks. Maybe she is asking questions because she doesn't know how to help. Can you help her understand how to help you? ... and I know that's hard ... I know it's hard to ask for what you want ... it is absolutely okay to ask for what you want ... that doesn't mean you'll always get it, but it is okay to ask.
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