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adrienne
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| Joined: | Mon Jun 4th, 2007 |
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Posted: Fri Jul 20th, 2007 07:33 pm |
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Hi CJay. Welcome =)
Therapy has been hard for me too. But for me it is hard in a "making progress" kind of way (even though it often seems like very SLOW progress!) I don't know how it is for other people - sometimes what works for one person doesn't work for another. I do know that before I started seeing my counselor I was stuck in a state of denial. I didn't acknowledge that the sexual abuse happened and I minimalized the severity and impact of the physical and emotional abuse. The result for me was that I was dealing with all of these traumatic symptoms but without admitting the cause. I mostly ended up constantly falling apart or on the verge of falling apart and feeling like this huge failure for not being able to get my life together. Now I still have times that I am falling apart or on the verge of falling apart, but I know that it is because I am trying to resolve all of this horrible mess that I lived with for so long. And I also feel better about myself because I am dealing with it and I am working to get my life back and that helps me not to feel like such a failure ALL the time (although that is something I am still struggling with.) Having done the denial thing and now getting help - if I had to choose again I would definitely choose getting help. But again - that's me. I was to the point of being completely non-functional anyway so I had no where to go but up.
I don't know if that helps at all. In any case, I have found a lot of support and comfort here. I hope you do too.
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TeresaJones
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Posted: Fri Jul 20th, 2007 10:42 pm |
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Hello and welcome.
Therapy is difficult at times for me but helpful also. When I started therapy for the second time it hit me really bad they decided that putting me on medication while I deal would help and it does. I can talk about what I remember and how I feel about him still being out of prison and it doesn't bother me as much. I am also thankful for a wonderful husband who is there for me when I need him. Another thing I ended up having to do to help me deal with my molestation is to cut off contact with my family since it was my step-father who did it and no one believed me so I don't talk to them anymore and it has helped tremendously, I don't think I would be doing as good if they were still in my life. You should try therapy one more time or even try a support group that might help you out.
Hope this helped. Teresa
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cjay
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| Joined: | Fri Jul 20th, 2007 |
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Posted: Fri Jul 20th, 2007 11:46 pm |
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| Thanks! It's something I know I need to deal with I am just trying to find the best way with the least impact on my family. I am like most posts I have read here with the majority of my early childhood wiped completely out of my memory. My molestation started at age 2 and lasted until age 13. I don't remember anything until I was 8 years old ( Maybe a few vague flashes before then, but nothing of real substance.) I know abuse occured during that time I just don't remember it. I remember the summers after my parents divorced and may of those details after age 8. Therapy for me has created too much negative impact at home but, maybe a support group. I think that was a great suggestion and might be the thing that works for me. Maybe once I have that safe place to land and feel comfortable with it I can begin therapy and will have others to bounce what I am feeling off of so that I don't go home and take what I can't even understand I am feeling out on my family. Maybe that's what I was doing wrong and needed all along. I am glad I found this group because I think it has helped already with my first post....thanks!
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TeresaJones
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Posted: Fri Jul 20th, 2007 11:57 pm |
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| I'm glad that you think this is a great place and that you have gotten help with just one post. I don't remember much of my abuse either and the only way I can put my mother's husband behind bars is to remember more or enough to put a time line together. The attorney general told me that I need to remember something other then bits and pieces of the abuse like what he was wearing and stupid stuff like that. If you ever want to talk you can send me a personal message if you want. Teresa
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Lorus
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| Joined: | Sun Jun 10th, 2007 |
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Posted: Sat Jul 21st, 2007 07:10 am |
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Hi Cjay, welcome, I can only tell you what I experienced and along with the other posts, use what you can to help guide you to where you want to be. When I was asked if I was abused I said "no". After two weeks of thinking about how this is the time to finally speak after all these years. I had thoughts of jumping off a bridge and discovered as I went through therapy that I have so many things in place to stop me from talking.
I was never supposed to talk about it and subconsciously I built all these "defenses" to stop me. If a defense didn't do it, I found some kind of "excuse" not to talk. One thing that kept me going no matter what storm I ran into was deciding when I started that I would never run away from it. I would always try to face what came my way. This of course didn't happen like this all the time. I still put things on hold, and things may have been left on hold for a long time. but I have never run from any of it.
This isn't an easy thing to do. I had to go back and relive what happened and it can take it's toll. If you decide to go back to a therapist, I'm sure the therapist would let you go at your own pace, and you have to decide how fast that will be. You have every right to be irritable,short, lack patience, depressed and emotional, you're not baking a cake. Maybe you weren't ready for this the past 26 years. Now you're on this site, maybe this time your ready.
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Jackie
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Posted: Fri Aug 3rd, 2007 07:36 pm |
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| Memories.....they come at the oddest times. A smell, a sound or even a color can bring a memory to the surface. Sometimes it will be a particularly bad memory that will play over and over. Sometimes it will be a new one that I didn't remember. I also remember things just as I am falling asleep. I don't like memories, but there is no way to turn them off.
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Lorus
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Posted: Fri Aug 3rd, 2007 08:33 pm |
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July 26, 2007
The Wisdom Of Surrender
Resistance Equals Persistence
We all know the feeling of being repeatedly haunted by the same issue, no matter how we try to ignore it, avoid it, or run away from it. Sometimes it seems that we can get rid of something we don’t want by simply pushing it away. Most of the time, the more we push away, the more we get pushed back. There are laws of physics and metaphysics that explain this phenomenon, which is often summed up in this pithy phrase: That which you resist persists.
Resistance tends to strengthen the energies it attempts to oppose by giving them power and energy to work against. Additionally, resistance keeps us from learning more about what we resist. In order to fully understand something, we must open to it enough to receive its energy; otherwise, we remain ignorant of its lessons. There is a Tibetan story of a monk who retreats to meditate in a cave only to be plagued by demons. He tries everything—chasing, fighting, hiding—to get the demons out of his cave, but the thing that finally works is surrender. He simply lets them have their way with him and only then do they disappear.
Now, this wisdom must be applied practically. We are not meant to get ourselves physically injured. Instead, this story speaks of how, in essence, our demons are inside of us. What plagues and pursues us on an inner level has a way of manifesting itself in our environment in the form of people, events, and issues that appear to be beyond our control. But all these external expressions are reflections of our insides, and it is inside ourselves that we can safely experiment with surrendering to what we fear and dislike. It may feel scary, and we may find ourselves in the company of a lot of resistance as we begin the process of opening to what we fear. But the more we learn to surrender, and the more the demons that plague us disappear in the process, the more courageous we will become.
Something another survivor sent to me, a site which did help in a few ways. This made me feel good because I try to take care of the memories the way the monk took care of his demons. It wasn't easy and I had a better understanding when my therapist told me my mind would only allow those memories out that I could handle. It's the way our minds work to protect us. Once I realized it was the feelings I was affraid of, I let them out too.
http://www.dailyom.com/
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Lisette
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Posted: Fri Sep 28th, 2007 11:16 pm |
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I have had similar emotional feelings about bodily sensations. Once for at least half an hour I tried to relax myself through sensations of being strangled. And it was awful I just cried and cried afterwards. I just find it almost insane that this is part of the process of being traumatised many years ago.
I have never experienced such weirdness in my reality before.
I have had visual memories occur when I remembered part of the persons face that was raping me. But it was superimposed on my boyfriends face at the time. We were out eating dinner! It came from NOWHERE. I hate that its so unpredictable. He had got annoyed at me and was angry and when I looked at his face it was bubbling with anger and resembled the persons face who raped me. I had no idea what had happened and excused myself and RAN away I was so scared. Unusually, I left a full plate of food at the table. Later I discussed this with health professionals as I thought I was hallucinating - but its not hallucinating but an re-experience of the trauma.
Oh the fun of being abused! [said sarcastically]
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