| Author | Post |
|---|
nova
Member
| Joined: | Fri Oct 26th, 2007 |
| Location: | Lusby, Maryland USA |
| Posts: | 2 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |  |
|
Posted: Fri Oct 26th, 2007 05:50 pm |
|
  Thank you for caring enough about all of us-- I was molested at the age of 3-4 by one uncle then at the age of 5 I was molested again for the longest period of time by my stepfather (until almost 13) and then again by another uncle a few years later. I can't help but wonder what are the odds?? Is that just the most rediculous thing that you have ever heard or what? I always wondered what it was about me that made every male role model in my life want to do that to me? The first man I married , eventually, I told my story to , without detail. The man I am married to now doesn't have a clue. I have chose not to tell him, because I was looked at and treated differently by my first husband and it ultimately ruined our relationship. I know that I need counseling, for a number of things- but how do I go about doing it -any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks to you all and may god to continue to bless you.
|
Makwa
Member
| Joined: | Fri Sep 21st, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 41 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Sat Oct 27th, 2007 03:07 am |
|
You know, the truly awful thing about life is that while other people can torture you, they cannot heal you. You have to heal yourself. People can help and a good counselor is an extraordinary asset for a lot of reasons. For one thing, it is a one-way relationship in that you owe this person nothing except the check you pay. You don't have to listen to their problems, you don't have to do anything for them, they are totally focused on you, your insights, your responses, your body language, your reactions. It is a truly critical need for those of us who were violated in this manner. For many of us, it is the only relationship in our lives that will be like it, as we did not get that as children and as adults, it would be an indication of a really destructive relationship.
When i got back into counseling this time, i didn't even tell my therapist about my past. My current situation was more than i could handle and that was what i needed to attend to, what i needed help with. After the first six weeks, i gave her my manuscript (she offered to read it) and that was just fine with me because I didn't have to take precious time educating her about my childhood. She got it in a lump and then i could start from there, rather than start from the beginning. THis really worked for me and now I'm in the throes of dealing with the past again (sigh) but i feel like i've moved forward. I'm getting a handle on my pain. I'm adjusting to a new home (from a very difficult move, I moved back to the state i grew up in...returned to the scene of a crime). I want to work again! And now the old stuff i was running away from is percolating up to the surface again. So, life, such as it is, is good again. Most importantly, YOU DESERVE TO HEAL!!! Don't ever give up. Good luck.
|
Lorus
Member
| Joined: | Sun Jun 10th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 99 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |   |
|
Posted: Sat Oct 27th, 2007 03:09 am |
|
Welcome Nova,
Odds are you had 3 very sick people in your life who couldn't roll a ball let alone be role models. I think it best if we look within ourselves for the best role models. There we will find truth.
|
nova
Member
| Joined: | Fri Oct 26th, 2007 |
| Location: | Lusby, Maryland USA |
| Posts: | 2 |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
|
Posted: Tue Oct 30th, 2007 06:15 pm |
|
| I completely understand what you mean, but sometimes it is hard to not have someone to look up to for advice. It's really insane though, how everytime I seem to make a mistake, there is always someone there to remind me of it. That's not what I need!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I pretty much just gave you the jist of the story. My stepfather died when I was about 23 or 24, didn't shed a tear there. My mom had always told me that my real father was awful and hit her, and she bailed for our safety and well being. At the age of 13 , my mom and stepfather who was 26 or so years older than her, decided I should have his last name. What a great idea! Are you kidding me?? What is wrong with this picture? Anyway, I refused to sign the papers and argued that if I changed my name than how would my real father find me? I was always secretly wanting to find him. After months of refusal, I finally gave in when my mother said to me " If your father wanted to find you would'nt he had done it by now?" Now that I think about it , that was just another emotional blow to my head. So I finally signed the stupid papers and the wonderful childhood continued. Well, Now I am remarried for the second time and after having a baby with my husband I decided to try and find my real father. It took little time on the internet and very little money$7.95 to be exact- I was pleasantly surprised to find out that my real dad had only lived about 20 minutes away . I had his address on a Friday and mailed a letter to him the same day- I actually believed that he had passed away and I was really just trying to find some info. on his life, from his new wife, I thought.Well, Monday afternoon, I recieved a phone call while I was making hamburger helper( don't hate me- it works in a pinch) and guess what-- it was my DAD!! I thought that I would cry , but I didn't . It was the best feeling ever, just to know that he was there, alive--Now we have a beautiful relationship and it was never true--none of it , about my Dad being abusive. My Mom cheated on him and ran off with another guy at the sweet age of 17--I feel so sad for my Dad, who deserved none of this and missed out on his only childs life. He was never remarried. I can understand why! Now my Mom seems a little bit jealous of our relationship-- go figure-- I don't think that she is entitled to feel anything at this point!! Of course, my Dad hasn't a clue about any of what happened to me, so he just thinks everything turned out well for me, growing up with a little money and boats and all that seemed like I had a great life as far as he could tell. I hate to ruin it for him--ya know what I mean?? Thanks so much for listening-- Today is a great day!! Tommorrow will be even better!! Lisa
|
Current time is 11:16 pm | |
|
|
|