I told my parents in June that their son (my biological brother) sexually abused and assaulted me most of my childhood. It went semi ok except now my step mother won't speak to me, she used to call me several times a week and hasn't called me since June. My Mom thinks I need to "get over it" as it was in the past and my Dad sends me this quote "the past is to be acknowledged and respected but not worshipped". So I guess it didn't go so well now that I think of it. My Dad tells me that everyone just needs "time" with this information to absorb but it seems more than clear to me that what they're going to do is pretend it didn't happen... denial you know? It hurts me that no one can see the pain I'm in and no one really wants to understand why.
I am so sorry you feel so alone and so hurt...I felt the same way the first time I told my mom...she looked right at me and said "That did not happen"...It had taken so much courage to even tell her...and then she basically denied it completely...
That was many years ago...now, these many years later, I understand that my mom wasn't 'capable' of hearing me...she was so abused and damaged by my father...and by her own childhood incest...and she was filled with so much 'shame, guilt and self-hate' over what my father was doing to her kids, and she was powerless to stop him...she couldn't even stop him from what he did to her...she was beaten down so badly and abused so badly...my mom was barely clinging to life herself...she was raised in so much abuse and it was ingrained in her to 'obey' her husband and she was taught to be so dependent and powerless...she was bound in the chains of her own abuse....later, shortly before she died...she tried to get the police involved for his on-going pedophilia...with other kids...but the authorities refused to listen to her...so, in my heart...I know she heard me and believed me, in spite of her response to me...or she wouldn't have even tried to tell anyone anything...she just didn't live long enough...and wasn't well enough physically to get any help to deal with all his abuse before she died...
I've learned over my years of dealing with these issues...that when others do behavior, or say things to shut me down...or shut me up...or when they outright deny the existance of the abuse...they are sicker than I am...and it's helped me to remember my days of absolute denial of any abuse of any kind...when I remember how blind I use to be...then I can find some forgiveness in my heart for others for "they know not what they do"...I've also learned that when people completely shut me out...or avoid me after I've disclosed...that's about 'THEM'...not me...and I need to nurture myself by reaching out to people who can hear me and support me...
We are here for you...and we believe you...It took great courage for you to share here...keep being courageous...keep reaching out...
My heart surrounds yours in your sadness and lonliness...I have been in that utterly desolate place...I'm sending you warm cotton blankets of love to surround you in your sorrow....
