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littlesis
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| Joined: | Tue Jul 31st, 2007 |
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Posted: Tue Jul 31st, 2007 01:25 pm |
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| I got the courage up to finally tell my mom that my brother molested me for about 7 years of my childhood. I told her this approx. 13 years ago. She replied it's normal. Which I know it's not cause if it were I wouldn't feel as bad about myself or hate him. That was the last of it. No one has discussed it since. My brother and I never mention it we ( I) just pretend to go on like nothing is wrong. I'm struggling with just continuing on the same path or say something to him.....
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Heather
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Posted: Tue Jul 31st, 2007 02:03 pm |
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| Littlesis, i understand how you are feeling, i happen to tell a family relation about my abuse (an aunt) she gave me a hug and never mention it again. The way i see it, is she couldn't handle what i told her. But some one will listen to you, you just need to reach out. Are you in Therapy? Its great that you have joined this forum x
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scw4survivors
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Posted: Tue Jul 31st, 2007 02:48 pm |
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Littlesis,
I am proud of you for telling your mother, and I am so sorry you didn't receive validation from her. I agree with Heather that it may have been too much for your mother to handle ... to accept that one of her children violated another.
I also agree with Heather that therapy can be very helpful.
Please know that there are people who believe you and believe in you ... count me among them.
Blessings, Susan
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Lorus
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Posted: Wed Aug 1st, 2007 04:09 am |
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Littlesis, I too was molested by my brother and we do go on living as if nothing ever happened. Even though it wasn't as bad as my father, it was still something that should have never happened, and it's not normal. My mother also goes on acting like nothing ever happened. Her vision of the perfect little world wasn't so perfect when I told her what my father did. I think you can count on everyone here in this forum to believe you. You'll speak when you know it's the right time. And as Heather and Susan said, therapy can be helpful not only in helping you heal but also in disclosing.
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littlesis
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Posted: Wed Aug 1st, 2007 10:54 am |
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| thank you everyone for being so supportive. I wish I had known this site earlier in life. I am really thinking about getting into therapy but haven't yet. My mom has told me that once she is gone it is my responsibility to keep the family together. It urks me so. I had told myself that will be when I finally tell my brother off but then I also struggle with not holding up to her wishes. It actually does feel good knowing we are all here for eachother.
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scw4survivors
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Posted: Wed Aug 1st, 2007 04:10 pm |
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Littlesis,
One of the hardest things for me to learn in therapy has been the fact that I can ask for what I want ... that what I want matters. I want you to know that what you want matters, too. I don't know all your family dynamics, but I do want you to consider the possibility that you do not have to assume the responsibility your mother wants to thrust upon you. It is okay to take care of yourself.
Therapy is hard work ... at the same time, it has really, really helped me. I hope you can find someone you trust and you believe truly has your best interest at heart ...
Susan
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Lorus
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Posted: Wed Aug 1st, 2007 05:05 pm |
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| Littlesis, what Susan says is true, what you want does matter. Your only responsibility before or after your mother goes is to take care of yourself and your children. These are the number one things. You certainly sound like your a better and more responsible mother than she was. This is where what you want matters the most.
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littlesis
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Posted: Sat Aug 4th, 2007 04:03 pm |
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| Well today is the dreadful day I get to see my brother and meet my new nephew. Time to suck up the anger and emotions and put on the happy face. I can't cause disturbance now mom is going for brain surgery soon. My day will come soon enough or when I finally get to therapy I will be able to deal better in a more positive set of mind. I told my boyfriend to help me keep my emotions in tact today. He understands that I get this way everytime I'm about to see my brother... Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers today please.
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scw4survivors
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Posted: Sat Aug 4th, 2007 09:46 pm |
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Our prayers are with you.
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TeresaJones
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Posted: Sun Aug 12th, 2007 01:19 am |
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SAY SOMETHING TO HIM!!! YOU WILL FEEL BETTER
Teresa
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littlesis
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Posted: Sun Aug 12th, 2007 11:40 am |
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| I didn't say anything to him. I'm afraid to be the black sheep again. And I don't think my dad knows I can't stand the thought of breaking his heart. I am dealing so far it's just that every time I know I'm gonna see my brother it makes me have all of these emotions that I can't sort out. I don't like my brother and that is his fault I know. I just wish we could of had a normal relationship which I believe to be impossible now or ever.......My time will come and when it does I'll know but for now I really appreciate all of you listening to my confusion.
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Lorus
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Posted: Sun Aug 12th, 2007 04:19 pm |
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| Littlesis, Teresa is right, you will feel better once you let this out. But you have to feel strength inside when you do. You'll know when the right time comes. Don't feel obligated to anyone in your family, the abuse was placed on you when it never should have. Your brother is the one who is the black sheep. I remember thinking how I needed to have support when I told my mother. I had that support in therapy and I knew I may have to walk away from people who didn't validate what happen. I put myself in a position to support myself and walked away in truth knowing I couldn't live the way they did. As I gather strength and truth I look forward to a new life. It's not going to be easy and at times I hit big bumps in the road, but the truth and God keep helping me over those bumps. Remember your only responsiblilty is to yourself and your children. Gather up your strength and take care of yourself first, then take the next step.
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babysister
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Posted: Tue Aug 28th, 2007 03:50 am |
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| My brother is about a year and 9 months older than me. Growing up, we were so close, we were like twins. We even had our own language...I trusted him. He was my best friend, and he knew I would rather die than hurt him. The first time he molested me is one of my earliest memories. It was a week before my 14th birthday the last time he coerced me and took advantage of me. I was in college when he asked for my forgiveness and broke the bubble of denial in which I was living. When I talked to my mom about it and asked to get some therapy, she said "well, I'd be willing to bet that at some point, you instigated it." Sometimes your family can't be what you need. That was nine years ago, and it still chokes me up to think about how I begged for counseling, how I was ostracized for talking about it, and how I was made responsible for letting my brother off the hook...after all, childhood curiosity is normal, right? I just made mountains out of mole hills. I've had to fight a long long time to convince myself that I have every right to feel violated and to be angry about what he did to me. It doesn't matter that he was young too or that he believes it was all out of love...he still stole pieces of me I can never get back. I just wonder if it ever stops. The weight of it all...do you ever stop having dreams that make you want out of your skin? Do you ever stop having to processing everything that's wrong in your head??
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TeresaJones
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Posted: Tue Aug 28th, 2007 01:47 pm |
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You should not feel like it was your fault or it was just curiosity. Your mother just doesn't want to face that her son would do something like that. If you can get counseling yourself I know counseling is expensive but it would help out a lot, or find someone you trust to talk to.
Teresa
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Lori
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Posted: Sun Sep 2nd, 2007 06:55 pm |
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If you cannot afford counceling services there are actually a large number of free counceling services around the country... you just need to pick up the phone and call any of the women's hotlines that are out there....they can direct you to free services in your area...or to services that you pay for on a "sliding scale". I actually do not pay for my counceling services....I regularly see a Sexual Assault Therapist and she is "as good" if not better than any councelor I've paid to see in the past. The first time I picked up the phone and spoke to someone and had to tell them that I could no longer afford to see a paid therapist was a very humbling experience, but I am so very glad that I did! I know how hard it is to ask for help and having to ask for help financially was even worse, but I just kept thinking that I needed the assistance more than I needed my pride because I felt so horrible about myself and my life. Help is out there for us even if we cannot pay.
Lori
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