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trudy
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Posted: Wed Jun 27th, 2007 11:36 pm |
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di we did go to my family and had a meeting about all of this and they didnt want to here it cuz it was there grand son and my mom said that she couldnt go against her daughter and hergrandson . that is my sister that is married to the brotherinlaw thatsexual abused my one daughter and her son abused my other daughter.what a mess rite/?but any way my mom said she cant turn her back on them . but she is not suportive of my daughters and she wasnt for me either . cuz i was abused also by my cousin and she never did anything about that . but i thought it was because she didnt believe me but i guess she just cant handle it. cuz we just found out all of this last june . then my mom just told us 3mths ago she herself was abused sexual byher stepfather. so<i dont know if she can face all of this and her own . but iam just the opposite im tring to do everything i can to make my daughters feel better so it doesnt make sence to me at all how shes being.and my other sister still goes to visit the sister whos married to the sex offender and we cant exspect that its so hard . we have so much anger to let out . we told them all how we feel and nothing has changed .so i guess we dont talk to them any more .my daughters are23/26 they were abused the 23at 8 and the26at 8they both are handling it in very different ways my 23yr old is open to talk about it but my 26 yrold is not she quite and shy. im worried about her.
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Lorus
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Posted: Thu Jun 28th, 2007 03:48 am |
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There are some things that changed. You and our daughters have changed. You want to be honest with yourselves about what happened, and heal. You want to be real and alive. I'm glad you can talk about these things with your daughters. I know it took me a long time to start talking, and today I still have trouble. but at least your older daughter knows she's not alone. I think in time your daughter will also open up more. She just needs to go at her own pace.
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trudy
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Posted: Thu Jun 28th, 2007 08:05 pm |
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lorus do you think she will someday talk about it ? she is so shy and interverted from this that im scared for her well being.were you like this at first also?
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Lorus
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Posted: Fri Jun 29th, 2007 02:10 am |
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| It took me months to just get one sentence out on my own. And that was with a therapist. I do most of my talking in writing. Are you or your daughters seeing a therapist? I t may be helpful for her to talk to someone who she knows can't repeat what is heard. This sort of helped me get started.
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Lorus
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Posted: Fri Jun 29th, 2007 02:47 am |
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That manna thing. I don't know, I think I'm trying to give back what I was given.
Last edited on Fri Jun 29th, 2007 02:49 am by Lorus
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trudy
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Posted: Sat Jun 30th, 2007 05:23 am |
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lorus no my daughter wont go talk to a therpist yet.and i dont know how to persade her. any ideas?
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Lorus
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Posted: Sat Jun 30th, 2007 05:59 am |
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You should talk to your therapist and see what could be done. Maybe you can get her to go with you for a short visit, even just an introduction to your therapist is a start. But don't push, she'll go when she's ready. She also has to take charge of what she wants to do. This has to be her step that she's taking.
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Di
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Posted: Mon Jul 2nd, 2007 03:00 pm |
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I agree with Lorus that therapy is the #1 best way to help yourself. I also was afraid to go. I thought they were just going to tell me what to do. I really didn't understand what therapy was and that a therapist is there to walk with you wherever it is you need to go. Learning to relate rightly to myself was the primary focus and oh how good it is to have learned that.
If I was you Trudy, I would find myself a good therapist (did you say you already had one?) and don't be afraid to shop around. It has to be the right fit. A therapist can be very good but not the best for you. Once settled in as you learn new ways of growing and being healthy you will naturally share with your girls. Just share and they may very well glean some good stuff from you. As they see you begin to heal they may decide they are ready. If not it will prepare the way later for them.
I think we tend to be ready for therapy when a little older and less resilient. Stuff starts popping out the pores and we have to deal with it.
Be sure that your focus on your girls does not precede your own needs. YOU need help as much as they do - perhaps more. Their mom is supportive. It is you who are being left in the lurch! I encourage you to focus on yourself and trust your girls to know what they need and when they need it.
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trudy
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Posted: Tue Jul 3rd, 2007 06:24 pm |
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ok that really sounds to be the best thing to do thank you so very much all of you that care so much you are all so great. thank you for taking the time to care and listen.
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trudy
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Posted: Tue Jul 3rd, 2007 06:31 pm |
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ok that really sounds to be the best thing to do thank you so very much all of you that care so much you are all so great. thank you for taking the time to care and listen.di that is so true they need me to be strong for them.
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Di
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Posted: Wed Jul 4th, 2007 03:28 am |
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They may need for you to be strong but the most important thing is what do you need for you to be?
I really encourage you to focus on your needs. Get the help you need. Deal with your pain. You are important and worth the attention. If your girls see you modeling for them the courage to seek your own help then when they are ready they will be more likely to follow your example.
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Lorus
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Posted: Wed Jul 4th, 2007 01:52 pm |
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| I know what you're talking about Di, I was told to focus on myself, what do I need, get those needs met. This was something I never thought of, I always thought of others especially my daughters. I didn't realize the meaning of what was being said until someone said, "you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others". Very simple words but hard to live by. I took one step at a time and adjusted to meet my needs as well as my daughters.
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Di
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Posted: Wed Jul 4th, 2007 02:18 pm |
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Well as far as caring for myself today, my own emotions are flopping around like a dying fish.  I woke in the middle of the night all tense and thinking of the previous meeting with Bob. Many thoughts are passing through my mind. I guess in some ways yesterday was a beginning for me as much as an ending.
Di
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Lorus
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Posted: Wed Jul 4th, 2007 02:25 pm |
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| It was a huge thing you did, and now you're processing it. You had the opportunity most of us won't have. It's helpful to hear about a positive ending.
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trudy
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Posted: Wed Jul 4th, 2007 03:19 pm |
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yes di that s what im doing rite now im going to therpy and my 23year old wants to go with me do you think that is ok .as long as we have our own seperate sessions.?trudy
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