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Katieishealing
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| Joined: | Thu Sep 20th, 2007 |
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Posted: Thu Sep 20th, 2007 04:53 pm |
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 Hi there everyone. My name is Kate and I am a survivor of incest. I am 30 years old and the mother of one beautiful 3 year old. I have been married for 7 years and began therapy about 16 months ago to help me heal from this devistation. My perpetrator was my oldest brother who is 7 years my senior, I was abused from the time I was 2(ish) until I was 8 or 9. thank you for creating a space where we can talk about this and not feel so isolated and alone.
Kate
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Letty
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| Joined: | Sun Aug 26th, 2007 |
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Posted: Fri Sep 21st, 2007 05:01 am |
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Welcome Kate!
I am also 30, and have 3 young children. I read your other post about feeling how this (recovery) consumes your life and other areas have fallen to the wayside (parenting, marriage, etc.). I feel the same way and wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't think about incest.
I have hope though, the bad days are not as many.
 Andrea
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Breaking the shell
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| Joined: | Thu Nov 22nd, 2007 |
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Posted: Thu Nov 22nd, 2007 12:49 pm |
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Hello, I'm new but don't yet feel that I should be here as I'm still trying desperately to deny it all. My therapist is away at the moment (6 days to hang on till she gets back) so instead of talking to her I've been surfing the web. Typing incest into google was pretty hard, but now I've discovered that I'm not abnormal. In fact I realise I am very normal for someone who was
I am 42 with 3 children and a loving husband. I only started 'remembering' a few months ago. It isn't so much remembering - more a reawakening of knowledge, followed by a very few flashbacks to help me believe myself (which I really don't want to do).
This lack of memory is hard. I have so many questions hurtling round in my brain that I can't answer. Principally, when did it start and when did it stop? Why did it stop? Who else did he do it to? My brothers? What about my Mum? Did anyone know and do nothing about it? Will anyone believe me if I tell them?
My father died 5 years ago. I couldn't have faced this knowledge with him still alive. It is actually easier to believe I had 3 fathers: the loving affectionate one I could laugh and cry with, who existed only in my mind; the distant authoritarian one who I remember from most of my life; and the monster.
Thank you for setting up this forum. Even if I do want to pretend it isn't for me, I'll be visiting again.
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Lorus
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| Joined: | Sun Jun 10th, 2007 |
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Posted: Sat Nov 24th, 2007 01:08 am |
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| We'll be waiting with open minds and open hearts, but most of all with lots of understanding.
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Breaking the shell
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Posted: Sun Nov 25th, 2007 08:25 pm |
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Thanks Lorus. Understanding is one of the things that I most long for. Anyone I tell who hasn't been through something similar just wants me to 'put it in a box', 'put it behind me', 'get on with my life' etc etc. As if I didn't try that for 30 odd years, as if it worked. I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets told this.
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Lorus
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Posted: Mon Nov 26th, 2007 01:02 am |
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| So far I have only spoken to a few people, most are other survivors. I know the time is coming for me to speak to others who are not survivors. People who will never fully understand. Lord knows it's probably a blessing that I haven't spoken yet. I have heard so many words from other survivors on the "get over it" issue. I kind of feel sorry for the first person who tells me to "get over it", "can't you put it behind you", "can't you get on with your life". Just because I talk about it doesn't mean I'm not over it. Maybe I speak about it to remind myself never to let it happen again. Maybe I speak about it to help me understand and heal from the life long effects after years of abuse and ignorance. Maybe I speak about it to help prevent it from happening to someone else. Silence is what feeds abuse, talking not only stops it, but heals as well.
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Breaking the shell
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Posted: Fri Nov 30th, 2007 03:47 pm |
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Speaking as one who far from being over it, has only just started recognising it, I think silence is the greatest friend of the abuser. Silence makes it harder for the abused to speak out, makes it harder for others to accept. We are silent about the things we are ashamed of, but the shame of abuse is not ours - it is our abuser's. And we should tell ourselves that over and over again.
So this is what I believe, but in practise I am much more fragile. Despite the impression maybe given in my mail, I have only told a few friends and that was when I was desperate to talk to someone about it - when my need to talk was even greater than my fear of not being believed or of being judged.
A friend of mine told me a few years ago that she had been abused by her grandfather and knowing that helped me when my memories started to reawaken. Just knowing there was someone I knew who had been through something similar and come through it, made me feel I was not the only one. It gave me hope - and still does.
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